Things that all started when someone stole a loaf of bread:
A news station was interviewing a man who lived near a dangerous intersection. It is known for an inordinate number of car crashes.
HE JUST KIND OF STEPS BACK
“oh see there you go son”
BALLS OF NONCHALANT STEEL
“See, now this is the kinda shit I’m talking about…”
some flowers just arrived for my sister but my mom thought they were for me.
and so she asked if they were from henry and of course i asked what the hell she was talking about
and she was like “henry, the boy you’re always talking about.”
she meant henry david thoreau.
i quote henry david thoreau so much my mom thought henry david thoreau was my boyfriend